My Friend Only Ever Focuses About Herself: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?

We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle disappeared then, because they seemed focused solely on him. She was stunned by her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, likely grasped better what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart without her being sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she had been an excellent employee, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both left the workforce so we're spending time together, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she has unyielding views. I attempt to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been organizing a trip to a nation I've visited many times even called home for a while. I tried to offer insights, but this was not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I have come back from a month in that country she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she will ever understand the impact of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute on this point. Emotions belong to you, after all. Finally is to question how the two of you going to change the interaction between you."

Remember that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents they trust. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. But she may at first react defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have closure from having been honest with her.